Craving Connection

It's 2013. It's a new year--a blank slate to imprint as we wish. I have been doing some thinking about what I want this year to look like--my aspirations and goals, along with the relationships and lifestyle that I wish to maintain.

I will confess that I am also mending a broken heart. I just had the privilege of spending three full weeks with seven of my most cherished peeps. We had the adventure of a lifetime-the type of opportunity that many would dream of having with people they love. Make no mistake--I am grateful that I have friends who can and will expend their precious time and money to travel 12 500 km to spend three weeks hanging out with us. Whether it was snorkeling on the Great Barrier Reef, watching sea turtles dive off the shores of Stradbroke Island, touring the World Heritage Blue Mountains, partaking in a 'bucket list' NYE party in Sydney Harbour, or drinking latte and gin in the Hendrick's Lounge . . . I treasure all of those moments in my heart and in my memory. A week ago, my friends flew back to Canada, and I am still intensely mourning the loss of their convenient presence--of being proximately and emotionally close to people who truly know us AND love us for who we are. No "unknown" expectations, no awkwardness, no need to pretend to be anything other than ourselves . . . just friendship and love. It is a rare thing in this foreign world where we now live--eager to make new friends and have new experiences, while knowing that 12 year relationships cannot be built in, or compared to, those that we've had for less than 15 months. 

This is the necessary context for understanding my Facebook decision. Because after re-experiencing that kind of love and support, logging on to see "pages you might like" and "sponsored ads" and a whole lot of corporate and self-promotion just doesn't cut it for me. 

It is true that the sometimes "one-sided" nature of Facebook has always been a pet peeve of mine. I know I am an incessant post-er (or some might say an over-sharer), but I have never appreciated this aspect of Facebook--openly and honestly sharing details of my life with people who don't reciprocate. My way of dealing with what I see as the "dark side" of Facebook has thus far been to strictly control my friendship lists. I regularly "defriend" people from my Friends list who don't actively participate.

Over the past few months, I have really noticed that Facebook is becoming intensely focused on business promotion. My Newsfeed is cluttered with impersonal information that doesn't really matter to me, but that for whatever reason, I am taking time and energy to read at many points throughout my day. At times, I have wondered where I can find information about my friends, as if Facebook is hiding it somewhere and all I need to do is pass an endurance test that amounts to slogging through way too many ads and "pages they suggest" to win that elusive prize.

As it turns out, the time-wasting endurance test has been for naught. Friends have been telling me that they don't use Facebook very much anymore. Many have decided to "take a break". I totally understand the many valid reasons for doing so, such as: prioritizing time for other things, privacy concerns, and values that hold personal interaction above online communicating. But, while friends are "taking their breaks", I am no longer privy to information about their lives. I don't know what's happening with their jobs, their families. And by "taking a break", most don't mean they are no longer looking at Facebook. Many still log on regularly. What I think many people mean by "break" is that they are logging on to passively read what others are doing, rather than to actively share parts of their lives. Watching this trend, my best guess is that Facebook will one day be almost solely an advertising platform for business, as it can't be a place for social connection when people don't take proactive measures to use it to actually connect. 

Truth be told, I am desperate for some real connection. This was made quite obvious to me after spending face-to-face time with my dear friends over the holidays. Real connection. That means "two-sided" communication where information is freely exchanged and both parties feel like they get to speak and listen in equal measure. Obviously, Facebook isn't meant to replace face-to-face interactions--meeting in person will always trump online social networking. However, I am feeling naive in my former belief that Facebook is a useful tool to stay connected with those who live too far away to meet for coffee or dinner. Because I'm not feeling connected. If anything, these days Facebook is facilitating my loneliness. 

So I am going to bite the bullet, listen to my heart, and "take a break". And I really mean "break", because tomorrow, I will be deactivating my Facebook account, eliminating the Facebook app from my phone and iPad, and using every ounce of willpower that I have to not log onto the Facebook site for the next month. I won't see your posts and your Facebook messages. The bright side is that I will also not be spending my time sifting through the hundreds of advertising-related posts. I won't be ducking trolls and their negativity, just to find the few "bright" spots: Facebook Friend status updates that are hidden gems within an increasingly impersonal online "community".

For the next 30 days, if you would like to connect with me, please send me an email or an iMessage. We can Skype. We can talk on the old-fashioned telephone. If you live in Brisbane, we can meet for a coffee or a glass of wine. If you want to know what's going on my life, ask me because I will be more than willing to tell you. :) And then I will get the chance to ask about your life too. I want to know what and how you are doing, and I don't buy for one second that you don't have anything interesting to say. You do. You just don't want to share it on Facebook. And that's OK. Right now, I don't want to either.

xx K